Whips and chains and the glorification of BDSM culture

In January 2010, Rihanna’s “S&M” topped the Billboard Hot 100, becoming a cultural anthem
for modern promiscuity (Rihanna, 2010). The protagonist of the song expresses a delighted
masochism: “chains and whips excite me”, “pain is for pleasure”. At the same time, they appear
uninspired by the emotional dimension of intimacy: “sex in the air I don't care”, “love is great
love is fine”. The song, and its subsequent reaction, endorse this deliciously oxymoronic woman,
who is both submissive and empowered. I will argue the glamorization of BDSM within mainstream
media normalizes an oppressive sexual culture that damages women and continues to serve men. I
will explore both the personal and societal dangers of this portrayal and conclude a true feminist
project must drastically reimagine how we portray heterosexual sex in mainstream media. To make this claim, we must first
inspect whether popular culture truly does have the ability to impact our sexual desires by considering
the emergence of tastes. 

In Distinction, Bourdieu (1984) proposes that taste is not purely innate but a mechanism through
which oppressive social structures are reproduced and reinforced. Focusing on class, he examines how
certain tastes become legitimized and converted into cultural capital (Bourdieu, 1984). High-class
tastes are not necessarily costly but may be unique or acquired, signaling specific education or social
conditioning. In turn, cultural capital can be exchanged for economic capital in the professional sphere
(Bourdieu, 1984). He argues then that one faces two options when curating their tastes: either
internalize the tastes associated with their social class or strategically adopt those of a higher class to
elevate their status.

It is widely assumed the primal nature of sex renders it relatively immune to cultural influence; as
though it is the most inert of our “tastes”. Despite Bourdieu’s conception of taste focusing on
music and food, I see no reason why all tastes should not function similarly, including sexual tastes. If
we concede that our sexual desires are shaped by external forces, the question then arises: what are
those forces? While Bourdieu focuses on class as the primary axis of oppression, I argue by analogy
that, in the sexual context, this self-replicating oppressive structure is patriarchy. In Hakin’s work
(2010) she explores this analogy by developing a theory of erotic capital: a “multifaceted forth asset”
to accompany Bourdieu’s original conceptions of capital (Hakim, 2010, p.512). Hakim’s concept 
of erotic capital suggests that women can leverage attractiveness, charm, and sexuality as a form of
social power (Hakim, 2010, p.501). Much like cultural capital, erotic capital can explain how one can
be successful in a capitalist society despite little financial power (Hakim, 2010, p.500). Erotic capital,
however, is at the mercy of patriarchy. Any power one may obtain from maximizing erotic capital thus
remains contingent on male desire. Just as one may assimilate their tastes to their respective social
class or feign preferences to mirror a higher status, I theorize there are two routes for a woman to
take when navigating patriarchy's tug at her sexual impulses.

The first is to appease to the dominant “class” by curating sexual desires that are complimentary to
the counter “male” desires. This route is safe and often bountiful. As most men show a preference
to be dominant the inverse must look like a preference for submission. Men also consistently
demonstrate a higher degree of socio-sexuality, meaning a compliant woman must also engage in
casual encounters (Perry, 2022, p.75). The second route is to attempt to transcend the oppressed
position by emulating the dominant group. This path is more complex, as unlike class, it is unclear
how a women can both maintain her femininity and copy the masculine. One strategy is to mirror the
autonomy bestowed on men by default. A hyper expression of autonomy may look like extreme or
unique tastes, similar to the way in which one demonstrates high-class by having rare or acquired 
cultural interests. This process of “differing oneself” to demonstrate a masculine “freedom to
choose” inevitably places women in direct competition.

It is here the analogy to Bourdieu's thought falls short, as unlike the straightforward way in which class
ascends, gendered oppression is dialectic. Despite the hierarchical structure of patriarchy, both males
and females are to some extent, reliant on the other half to meet romantic or sexual needs (Perry, 2022,
p.79). I theorize this creates a friction in which most women attempt both routes; possessing a desire
to disrupt the system of oppression as well as to appease it. It does not take much reflection to
recognize the potential risks that face an individual who possesses both an impulse toward submission
and a drive for competition and extremity.

Much like how a combination of taste buds and culture may coalesce to make one love a certain food,
sexual tastes are most likely also a combined product of innate biology and social conditioning.
However, unlike other tastes, which may be relatively benign when socially influenced, the intimate
nature of sexual desires means that external influences have the capacity for profound harm. Which
is why, when we observe a stark increase in the expressed desire for sadomasochism (in direct
alignment with the messaging of popular culture) we should be severely concerned (Scott, 2015).

Having explored the emergence of sexual desires, I will now explore the potential harms associated.
First, I will look at bodily harm. Currently, the most fashionable "BDSM" act (although not directly
referred to in "S&M") is Erotic Asphyxia, Strangulation or "breath play". Strangulation is highly
gendered both in and out of the bedroom almost always involves a man choking a woman (Perry,
2022, p.167). The biomedical explanation provided to justify this violent act is that restriction of
oxygen to the brain creates “a feeling of euphoria – that heightens sexual pleasure” (Durham
University, 2024). If this were true, one would expect the occurrence of auto-asphyxiation amongst
women to mirror that of their male counter parts, however as observed by Perry, it is “vanishingly
rare” for women to strangle themselves (Perry, 2022, p.170). This clearly suggests that the desire to
be “choked” is in fact part of a larger power dynamic that has become culturally legitimized and
encouraged. Or in other words, women do not enjoy being choked but are willing to endure it. The
non-fatal risks associated with choking include "cardiac arrest, stroke, miscarriage, incontinence,
speech disorders, seizures, paralysis, and other forms of long-term brain injury" (Bichard et al., 2021).
Or as Dr Bichard puts it in, We Can't Consent To This (WCCTT) "Erotic asphyxiation should be as
much of an oxymoron as erotic brain damage". (WCCTT, 2021). The normalization of choking during 
sex has led to a surge in its popularity, rising from less than 3% reported participation amongst those
aged 55 and older, to over a third amongst 16 to 34-year-olds (Smailes & Mcgowan, 2024, p.3)

Aside from the physical risks related, enduring extreme sexual acts significantly heightens sexual
dysfunction. During the process of a woman aligning her sexual desires with gendered cultural
stereotypes, she loses sexual autonomy which significantly impairs arousal (Sanchez, 2006, p.522). For
many women, cultural conditioning takes its toll before adolescence, with most women instinctively
assuming a submissive role as early as their first sexual experience. (Sanchez, 2006, p.513) This may
impede communication, contradict her true desires and lead to heightened compliance. An aversion
to being sexually assertive also inherently centers sexual interactions on her partner's arousal. All in all,
"women’s sexual function is impaired by cultural scripts dictating female sexual submission" which
in turn leads to greater female sexual dysfunction and damages wellbeing (Sanchez, 2006, p.521).

While the psychological and physical harm associated with BDSM culture is sufficiently alarming,
there is an additional dimension to consider.  The cultural normalization of sadomasochism has
significant legal repercussions. Unmistakably these behaviors often exist within a broader framework 
of abuse. Glamorization then, enables a cycle in which men who may be innately primed to find abuse
arousing become rewarded (by sexual gratification) to enact these desires, escalating their behaviors
rather than punishing them. The natural endpoint of this cycle, in its most extreme form, is death.
While not the norm, such cases are common enough to be deeply troubling. A culture that upholds
absolute sexual autonomy as the highest value, risks neglecting the reality that consent alone cannot
be the sole moral or legal standard: “You can do terrible and lasting harm to a 'consenting adult' who
is begging you for more” (Perry, 2022, p.152). One particularly troubling legal strategy is the "rough
sex defense," a tactic that has exclusively been used by men to argue that acts of violence were
consensual “sex games gone wrong”. As observed by the charity "We Cannot Consent to This,"
between 1996 and 2016, there was a tenfold increase in the use of this defense. While such claims do
not always succeed, they are, as the charity notes, “far too often worth a try.” (WCCTT, 2021)

The correlation between the rise in portrayals of specific sexual acts and their reported occurrence
suggests that media does, in fact, have the potential to shape even our most intimate desires. The
“ritualized and newly legitimized” version of BDSM presented in S&M, glamorizes women
willing to subvert their innate desires and endure violent sexual acts (Perry, 2022, p.162). Through
emerging empirical data and anecdotal evidence, it is clear with glamorization becomes  normalization, becomes expectation —ultimately posing yet another danger to the wellbeing and safety of women. Afterall, a man who can maintain arousal while enacting violence against his partner should probably not be encouraged to “Na-na-na, come on, come on, come on”
(Rhianna, 2010). 



References
Bichard, H., Byrne, C., Saville, C. W. N., & Coetzer, R. (2021). The neuropsychological outcomes of non-fatal
strangulation in domestic and sexual violence: A systematic review. Neuropsychological Rehabilitation, 32(6),
1–29. https://doi.org/10.1080/09602011.2020.1868537
Bourdieu, P. (1984). Distinction: A social critique of the judgement of taste (R. Nice, Trans.). Harvard University Press.
Durham University, & Durham University. (2024, September 26). Sexual strangulation has become popular – but that
doesn’t mean it’s wanted - Durham University. Durham.ac.uk.
https://www.durham.ac.uk/research/current/thought-leadership/2024/09/sexual-strangulation-has-becomepopular--but-that-doesnt-mean-its-wanted/
Hakim, C. (2010). Erotic Capital. European Sociological Review, 26(5), 499–518.
Perry, L. (2022). The Case Against the Sexual Revolution. John Wiley & Sons.
Rhianna. (2010). S&M. Def Jam Recordings.
Sanchez, D. T., Kiefer, A. K., & Ybarra, O. (2006). Sexual Submissiveness in Women: Costs for Sexual Autonomy and
Arousal. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 32(4), 512–524.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167205282154
Scott, C., & Company, M. (2015). Thinking kink: the collision of BDSM, feminism and popular culture. Mcfarland &
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Smailes, H., & Mcgowan, M. (2024). Strangulation during consensual sex in the UK A report on findings from a pilot
survey conducted in october 2024. https://ifas.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Strangulation-DuringSex-in-the-UK-December-2024-FINAL.pdf
We can’t consent to this. (2021). We Can’t Consent to This. https://wecantconsenttothis.uk/i-thought-it-wasnormal-research#_ftn2